Imagine a radio sports talk show format....

HU: Welcome! I'm Harold Usher.

KK: And I'm Katie Koffemaker. We're your hosts for your favorite morning drive-time radio program, Clergy Clobber.

HU: Did you have a good weekend, Katie?

KK: Sure did, Hank. It was the first starting preaching performance for our new pastor, the Rev. Makeum Pheelgood.

HU: Was the trade worth it? Did he pitch your congregation out of its financial hole?

KK: Well, Hank, you know that it's a long season and one sermon doesn't erase a deficit. But I'd say his snappy style and good looks got people to sit up and take notice.

HU: Were the details of the trade made public this weekend?

KK: Yes, they were. My church gave up an intern, a first year pastor, and a seminarian to be named later. But the time is now, and we need Pheelgood even if we only get a year out of him.

HU: We should remind our listeners that this blockbuster trade between First Church and Good Shepherd Church came after weeks of intense negotiations. Although Good Shepherd gave up Pheelgood who was the Most Valuable Preacher (MVP) of 2006, they got some interesting prospects in return. Right Katie?

KK: Absolutely, Hank.  Our intern, Olive Euth, has the kind of leadership potential that can turn a church around. She'll probably be an All Star Pastor in a few more years.

HU: And the Rev. Igot Rhythom?

KK: He's the toughest loss in this trade. Pastor Rythom will be in the running for Rookie of the Year when the ballots are counted when the season ends. We'll miss him, but with Pastor Pheelgood we think we've got a proven winner.

HU: Any idea who the future seminarian will be?

KK: Not really, but some reports point to a college junior who has all the gifts but has yet to commit.

HU: We'll pray that trade works out for everyone, Katie.

And speaking of clergy movement, former St. John's Church Senior Pastor Ilene Farleft passed through waivers over the weekend clearing the way for her outright release.

Over at Trinity, Pastor Ima Nutcase was put on waivers and picked up by St. John the Baptist Church. The congregation will take over the remainder of Ima's salary and give up a 10^th round draftpick.

And finally, the Rev. Seymour Kash declared that his contract negotiations with Peace Church have broken down, and he will test the free agent waters at the end of the season.

KK: Do you think Peace will try to trade for him before the deadline?

HU: My inside sources over at Peace tell me that they would gladly trade him. But they want no less than an experienced Associate in Ministry, an rookie associate pastor, and a guitarist who can play something besides Kum Ba Yah.

KK: Tough challenge to get that combination.

HU: Yes, it is, Katie.

KK: So good luck to Peace Church. Coming up: a well known preacher loses his temper.

HU: And find out which church secretary purposely included the wrong name in a baptism folder, and why.

KK: Now a word from our sponsor, Clergy Movers Incorporated, the professionals in moving church professionals. After the phone call where they tell you that you've been dumped, make your first call be to Clergy Movers.

HU: Clergy Clobber will be right back.

Pastor B.

It's 4:30 a.m. The window of the bedroom is wide open to the cool morning air. Susan and I are sleeping soundly. The alarm will not bring the news from NPR for another hour.

Would somebody please tell the wren!

Just outside our bedroom an ash tree rises with branches that invite the beauty, charm, and song of birds. Robins, crows, cardinals, sparrows, and finches arrive to sing their song and soon zip off to another three. However a wren seems to have found a favorite branch where it apparently enjoys the sound of its own voice. And it begins singing at the first hint of dawn.

And sings, and sings, and sings, and sings, and sings.

A wren's song is a quick secession of notes. Not a whistle and not a chirp, the quick warble lasts about a second. A second of silence, and the song repeats. And repeats. And repeats.

So, on and off for an hour or so, I lie there relishing and cursing the wren at the same time.

This has been going on for about a month and a half. Part of me wants the wren to find a new tree. Part of me wants the little bird to hang in there until the first frost. In the long run, of course, the decision belongs to the wren and God. That's a good thing.

Pastor B.
PS You can listen to a house wren's song here.

Two items on happiness have emerged from media outlets lately.

The first is from the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research and the World Values Survey. According to researchers, the world’s happiest people live in Denmark. Puerto Rico, Columbia, Canada, and Sweden were also among the tops. The United States stands at number 16.

What seems to go into happiness? Well, money does buy happiness, especially in countries that have a long history of poverty but are now beginning to enjoy some prosperity. In countries that are already economically developed, greater democratization, and social tolerance appeared to increase the sense of happiness.

Meanwhile, from Arthur Brooks who authored Gross National Happiness we get this bit of information. The perception that folks with no religious commitments are happier than those who do is false. In fact, people with no moral constraints are less happy. Brooks says that having beliefs and values, and adhering to them gives a sense of peace. The exception to this is among those who believe in a condemning God and those who believe but don’t practice.

So, as you measure you own happiness, think about those two things while you visit Copenhagen.

Don’t worry! Be happy!

Pastor B.

George Carlin died a couple of weeks ago. I first saw him on the late night Johnny Carson Show. His humor put the spotlight on our human foibles and the odd things we do with our language.

His hippy-dippy weatherman, Al Sleet was particularly entertaining. "Tonight’s forecast is for dark, with increasing light toward morning." He mostly toured with his humor, and almost every venue asked for a performance of the Al Sleet routine.

Carlin took on the seven words you can’t say on television in his comedy routine, and in the 70's that was heady stuff, indeed. Unfortunately, in many ways he never grew beyond it. In his later years some of his routines were so loaded with profanity that the comedy got lost.

About a year ago I quoted his routine on the difference between baseball and football. It still is a sports comedy classic up there with Abbot and Costello’s "Who’s on First". So, as a tribute to Carlin’s comedic genius I present the video below.

Pastor B.